Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Haters
Haters. You gotta love them; you can't hate them, because if you do, what does that make you? Random thought.
Friday, January 21, 2011
An Additional Post
Ok, I can't help but blog about this. I'm rather confused about this once again, and I have been ever since it happened on Halloween. So I hadn't talked to this girl for months; she was a very nice girl, just it seemed like she'd changed from a person I really liked and admired to someone else. Sometime in October, she texted me though, saying she missed me, and I honestly missed her too. I knew my friend had an upcoming Halloween party, so I asked to see if she wanted to go with me, and she did. So, in the evening on Halloween we picked her up and drove to the friend's party. For the first ten or so minutes we were there we didn't talk much because it had been so long since we had last hung out or had a conversation together. Finally, we started talking and I realized she hadn't really changed much. Inside, she was still the same girl I knew all along.
So pretty much the entire night, which was about 4 or 5 hours, we stuck together, talking virtually the entire time to each other alone and staying away from the crowd. Then about an hour or so before we had to leave, we both became very tired. So we sat on this couch in a room beside the main party area that had music and she leaned against my shoulder. I put my arm around her, and we pretty much spoke silently on and off until we had to go.
That night was truly amazing to me. First, I discovered that she really is the same person I had always known, and second, we pretty much kind of clicked. Just what goes up, must come down. Later in the week I asked her if she had felt something there, and I don't remember her answer. I'm pretty sure it was a yes, but there were strings attached somehow, so I didn't press it further. And then, as quickly as it had happened, it ended. We ceased talking to each other; I don't think I've talked to her since, which is sad. I've always liked her, secretly and/or openly, and she's told me that she liked me for at least some period of time in the past.
What really bothers me though is I really still don't know the truth about that night. I don't know whether it was just superficial or something deeper, because we'd been friends ever since I came to Indiana two years ago. If it was something deeper, I have no idea whether it was mutual or not. Just not knowing is enough to make me wonder still to this day.
So pretty much the entire night, which was about 4 or 5 hours, we stuck together, talking virtually the entire time to each other alone and staying away from the crowd. Then about an hour or so before we had to leave, we both became very tired. So we sat on this couch in a room beside the main party area that had music and she leaned against my shoulder. I put my arm around her, and we pretty much spoke silently on and off until we had to go.
That night was truly amazing to me. First, I discovered that she really is the same person I had always known, and second, we pretty much kind of clicked. Just what goes up, must come down. Later in the week I asked her if she had felt something there, and I don't remember her answer. I'm pretty sure it was a yes, but there were strings attached somehow, so I didn't press it further. And then, as quickly as it had happened, it ended. We ceased talking to each other; I don't think I've talked to her since, which is sad. I've always liked her, secretly and/or openly, and she's told me that she liked me for at least some period of time in the past.
What really bothers me though is I really still don't know the truth about that night. I don't know whether it was just superficial or something deeper, because we'd been friends ever since I came to Indiana two years ago. If it was something deeper, I have no idea whether it was mutual or not. Just not knowing is enough to make me wonder still to this day.
Success
Success. What defines it? Is it measurable based upon tangible accomplishments, or is it really based on one's level of self satisfaction and happiness? Who decides whether one is successful or not? Is it the person alone, or is it society as a whole. If it's society that decides who is or is not successful, then it is most likely based upon visible accomplishments for the good of the society. But, if it's the person or the person's close peers who decide the degree of success, then it is usually based on the person's level of confidence and self satisfaction. Success is such a subjective term that it isn't even funny.
As for me, I really don't feel too successful, which the theory above matches very well. To outsiders in society, they see good grades and good behavior and automatically often deem me successful. But to me, although I think I am successful academically, I really don't feel too successful personally. This could be due to a number of reasons- internal conflict due to my social life mainly though. So, overall, I have determined through personal experience and theory that success is unmeasurable; it is only with true self satisfaction and internal peace that one can be successful. There are only two degrees of success: successful, or not successful, and both are truly determined by one's self.
As for me, I really don't feel too successful, which the theory above matches very well. To outsiders in society, they see good grades and good behavior and automatically often deem me successful. But to me, although I think I am successful academically, I really don't feel too successful personally. This could be due to a number of reasons- internal conflict due to my social life mainly though. So, overall, I have determined through personal experience and theory that success is unmeasurable; it is only with true self satisfaction and internal peace that one can be successful. There are only two degrees of success: successful, or not successful, and both are truly determined by one's self.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Quotes
This is a somewhat random post, just I really need to share and discuss a few quotes from songs:
"It's amazing that I made it through the maze that I was in,
Lord forgive me, I never would've made it without sin."
- Jay-Z
At the end of this quote, Jay-Z puts emphasis on the word sin and starts at a normal volume and tapers to a lower volume. Whenever I listen to it, I can truly hear the pay in his voice there, and from that I can derive that he really wants and strives for forgiveness for the things he did in his youth, things that he believes he had to do to survive. Therefore, this is a very powerful quote.
"Hey, may the best of your todays, be the worst of your tomorrows... But we ain't even thinking that far, you know what I mean?"
- Jay-Z
Another quote by Jay-Z, except this one isn't as powerful per say. This is mainly simply a wise thought at the beginning of a song. I think it means that while things feel right or good on impulse, they may come back to haunt you.
"It's amazing that I made it through the maze that I was in,
Lord forgive me, I never would've made it without sin."
- Jay-Z
At the end of this quote, Jay-Z puts emphasis on the word sin and starts at a normal volume and tapers to a lower volume. Whenever I listen to it, I can truly hear the pay in his voice there, and from that I can derive that he really wants and strives for forgiveness for the things he did in his youth, things that he believes he had to do to survive. Therefore, this is a very powerful quote.
"Hey, may the best of your todays, be the worst of your tomorrows... But we ain't even thinking that far, you know what I mean?"
- Jay-Z
Another quote by Jay-Z, except this one isn't as powerful per say. This is mainly simply a wise thought at the beginning of a song. I think it means that while things feel right or good on impulse, they may come back to haunt you.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Econ
I am currently sitting in my Econ class extremely bored. While the class itself is fairly boring alone because of the subject, today is especially boring because we're really not doing anything. We had stuff to do online, but it was extremely quick. So to pass the time I'm listening to music and blogging here.
Last night I had a crazy dream! So a friend and I were walking in this school/mall place with an inside courtyard, which was about 20 feet by 15 feet and had grass, shrubs, and small trees. The first time we walked through everything was fine, and I was like, "Oh this is a pretty cool place." But the second time I walked back through on the way to a staircase, I was horrified. There were tons of dead gray rats lying down inside of it, some in small piles, and they all looked like they had somehow been smashed in the middle a bit. They weren't bloody or anything though. This just encouraged my friend and I to hurry up the steps and get to the door. We had a key to unlock it for some reason, and when we did and were about to open it, we heard a voice, "Hey." The rapper, Eminem, was standing in the middle of the courtyard, looking up at us at the door and wearing a black ribbed tank top. He then said, "I need to get out of here!" Suddenly, my friend told me, "Throw the key! Throw the key! Come on!" I weakly tossed the key into the shrubs of the courtyard and attempted to run through the open door when, quick as lightening, Eminem was up the steps and coming at us.
I then woke up. It was an extremely weird dream, and it was the first time a celebrity ever appeared.
Last night I had a crazy dream! So a friend and I were walking in this school/mall place with an inside courtyard, which was about 20 feet by 15 feet and had grass, shrubs, and small trees. The first time we walked through everything was fine, and I was like, "Oh this is a pretty cool place." But the second time I walked back through on the way to a staircase, I was horrified. There were tons of dead gray rats lying down inside of it, some in small piles, and they all looked like they had somehow been smashed in the middle a bit. They weren't bloody or anything though. This just encouraged my friend and I to hurry up the steps and get to the door. We had a key to unlock it for some reason, and when we did and were about to open it, we heard a voice, "Hey." The rapper, Eminem, was standing in the middle of the courtyard, looking up at us at the door and wearing a black ribbed tank top. He then said, "I need to get out of here!" Suddenly, my friend told me, "Throw the key! Throw the key! Come on!" I weakly tossed the key into the shrubs of the courtyard and attempted to run through the open door when, quick as lightening, Eminem was up the steps and coming at us.
I then woke up. It was an extremely weird dream, and it was the first time a celebrity ever appeared.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
You Can't Be The Best If You're Dead
Ok, so upon reading this blog's title, you probably thought, "Wow, that's somewhat disturbing," haha. But before you draw conclusions, pay attention to this thought process that led me to said thought. So, I was researching online about career opportunities in the military because I've been really conflicted lately about which one to pursue; I knew I wanted to be in the action, like in Infantry, but I could not decide whether to go to college and become an officer with better pay or to simply enlist, go through basic training and advanced individual training, and be in right then and there with lesser pay and rank. I apologize for the previous digressions and the upcoming one, but they are necessary.
Now, you're probably wondering why on Earth someone would want to enlist in the military and risk their life when they could essentially go to college for free and still do that job, except a little more safely. There is, however, a reasonable answer. The reason I was strongly considering enlisting was because I felt deep down that, by enlisting and being a private for a few years, I could better understand what a good leader in the military was and how to become one. I also really wanted to experience basic training, but that's beside the point. I felt that, if I enlisted first, I would become a better leader down the road by being led first. However, after researching the training programs for Army officer, I felt confident that they would prepare me enough to lead soldiers in a war zone as some type of combat operations officer. In other words, I would be a Lieutenant and would lead combat troops into a fight. Plus, the trainings to be an officer also seem like fun.
So, upon this realization, I decided that I would be an officer in the Army, as I had often times decided on before. The next step was to decide exactly what I wanted to do as an officer. Officers in the Army can be parts of several main branches, so I had to decide which one best fit me. Over the years, I've developed a sort of perfectionist personality; in better, more fitting terms, I strive for excellence. So, in the military as in any other thing I attempt, I want to be the best of the best if at all possible. I also want to actually be in the bulk of the war and in the action, for reasons I don't understand. This is my main reason, and it very simple; it hasn't changed at all for years: I want to lead men into battle. It's as simple as that.
I compared these preferences with the different branches of the Army, and I came out with three possible careers that I might want to undertake. They are Infantry Officer, Military Intelligence Officer, and Special Forces Officer. After finding these main careers that I preferred, I put them in order of greatest to least preference and they came out like so:
1. Special Forces Officer
2. Infantry Officer
3. MI Officer
I have pretty much decided that I really want to be a special forces officer for many reasons. For one, your tasks that you have to accomplish can vary greatly, and I don't want to be doing the same thing every day. Also, there's a good chance I would be doing field work over 50% of the time, and it would most likely be physical and I would most likely lead a small group of men, which I would really prefer.
Anyway, back to the title. I knew I wanted to be a Special Forces Officer, so I started thinking about the different challenges that I would be faced with along the way. Along the road to becoming one, I would have to go through a series of potentially dangerous trainings, including jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, repelling from helicopters, climbing precipices, and having an actual painful interrogation. I also knew that during different missions, there would be a high risk of me being injured or possibly killed. So, with all of this in mind, I concluded that I will have to keep a cool, calm, reasonable mind if I want to come out of any of it alive. Although I want to be the best of the best by being a Special Forces Officer, I would have to keep myself in check to prevent my head from getting to big and doing something stupid. So, I came upon the title of this blog in my head. If I try too hard to be the best and end up doing something ridiculous and stupid, I could very well die. And, if you're dead, you can't be the best now can you? So that's essentially how that thought crossed through my head. Basically I'm going to try to remember the phrase to remind myself to stay calm and keep common sense in my thought processes.
I could've told you all how I've been lately, and the Ravens Steelers game, and a plethora of other things, just all of them are pretty much trivial to me right now compared to this. Don't worry, though, y'all will get more posts soon =).
Now, you're probably wondering why on Earth someone would want to enlist in the military and risk their life when they could essentially go to college for free and still do that job, except a little more safely. There is, however, a reasonable answer. The reason I was strongly considering enlisting was because I felt deep down that, by enlisting and being a private for a few years, I could better understand what a good leader in the military was and how to become one. I also really wanted to experience basic training, but that's beside the point. I felt that, if I enlisted first, I would become a better leader down the road by being led first. However, after researching the training programs for Army officer, I felt confident that they would prepare me enough to lead soldiers in a war zone as some type of combat operations officer. In other words, I would be a Lieutenant and would lead combat troops into a fight. Plus, the trainings to be an officer also seem like fun.So, upon this realization, I decided that I would be an officer in the Army, as I had often times decided on before. The next step was to decide exactly what I wanted to do as an officer. Officers in the Army can be parts of several main branches, so I had to decide which one best fit me. Over the years, I've developed a sort of perfectionist personality; in better, more fitting terms, I strive for excellence. So, in the military as in any other thing I attempt, I want to be the best of the best if at all possible. I also want to actually be in the bulk of the war and in the action, for reasons I don't understand. This is my main reason, and it very simple; it hasn't changed at all for years: I want to lead men into battle. It's as simple as that.
 |
| Infantry |
 |
| Military Intelligence |
2. Infantry Officer
3. MI Officer
 |
| Special Forces |
 |
| Airborne |
| Rangers |
Anyway, back to the title. I knew I wanted to be a Special Forces Officer, so I started thinking about the different challenges that I would be faced with along the way. Along the road to becoming one, I would have to go through a series of potentially dangerous trainings, including jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, repelling from helicopters, climbing precipices, and having an actual painful interrogation. I also knew that during different missions, there would be a high risk of me being injured or possibly killed. So, with all of this in mind, I concluded that I will have to keep a cool, calm, reasonable mind if I want to come out of any of it alive. Although I want to be the best of the best by being a Special Forces Officer, I would have to keep myself in check to prevent my head from getting to big and doing something stupid. So, I came upon the title of this blog in my head. If I try too hard to be the best and end up doing something ridiculous and stupid, I could very well die. And, if you're dead, you can't be the best now can you? So that's essentially how that thought crossed through my head. Basically I'm going to try to remember the phrase to remind myself to stay calm and keep common sense in my thought processes.
I could've told you all how I've been lately, and the Ravens Steelers game, and a plethora of other things, just all of them are pretty much trivial to me right now compared to this. Don't worry, though, y'all will get more posts soon =).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)