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To my followers:
Recently, and obviously, I haven't been on blogger too much; finishing up the last month or so of school while balancing leadership in scouts took all of my concentration to say the least. But now I shall finally quench your thirst for a new post. I apologize for leaving you hanging.

Anyway, life is treating me fairly well these days. I can't, however, get over the feeling that I'm being alienated by my friends. Granted, I can tell that I did purposefully push a few away whom I believed where bad for me in general (which I do regret). But for some reason it seems like my best friends are now slowly pushing me away. Honestly, I don't understand it, and frankly I don't care. I know that new friends eventually will be easy enough to come by, and that if those friends won't stick with me then they were never true friends to begin with. But still the thought and feeling disheartens me. Although this logical aspect of viewing things is almost like an escape for anyone, one can't help but think why or what did I do to deserve this? I can think of things I've done to deserve it, and although they don't directly relate to my friends, my past actions do relate in a sort of karmic way. Perhaps by pushing those away whom I had thought were bad for me instead of being there for them in confusing and troubling times, perhaps by not being the friend those friends needed I've brought this on myself. Now, you can probably tell by my way of thinking that I'm going to try to be a better friend, which is correct. But future actions and intentions, however, cannot erase nor suppress the memories of my past selfishness in both myself and the friend. I will continue to be held accountable for what I've done, no matter how insignificant it may seem. See, this is where I differ from a lot of people. Many people I know, including my parents, can simply close a door and never have any will to open it again. They try to tell me to do the same, but every time I attempt to sooner or later I can't help but think about what I left behind it in ruin and what I could've done to help. And now, like many other times, I'm going to start reopening some doors and try to salvage what pieces of friendship I can from the wreckage.
Not to sound egotistical or anything, but I honestly think that my conscience is much stronger than those of my peers. I've seen this time and time again with the most of them. It's a startling realization really. If only a small group of people and I in the school actually think twice before they do something stupid and if everything in their body tells them not to do it, then just think of how many people in the world are the same way. Maybe only 5 to 10 percent. That thought definitely makes the world feel smaller, and lonelier.

Katelyn, you're one of those people I've pushed away, and I'm sorry. Please accept this apology.