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I haven't really been blogging much due to the fact that I have been utterly swamped with homework, but now I finally have time again. I'm so busy these days that when I plan what I'm going to do one day, theres hardly any time to get on the computer to socialize or blog. I have several things going on in my life right now at  the same time, and sometimes it can get really difficult to keep track of it all. Somehow, though, I manage to stay afloat amidst it all.
Anyways, I had my first speech this week, and although I felt pretty nervous at the beginning, I was confident by the end. It's amazing what tons of practice can do for you. I practiced the previous two nights as much as I could; even when I was just riding on the bus a mouthed the words to myself. Luckily, I didn't choke too much.
I really don't know what else to blog about today, so I'm just going to let my mind wander now. It seems as if finally I have my life under my belt now. I'm fairly certain of what college I want to go to, how I'm going to go there, what I want to major in, what I want to do when I get out, and how I want to live. Everytime I've explored and researched new careers, it seems they've always led me in a loop back to the military.
Although I'm good with engineering, which will be my major, and I enjoy it, every time I think about going into a career soley focused on engineering  I decide I don't want to do it immediately. Somewhere inside of me is a persistant, calm, calculated voice that keeps telling me join the military as an officer. Then I ask, "Why do I want to do that? Why do I want to be an officer in the field of infantry?" And then, after I think about it, I denounce my doubts about joining, time after time. I want to join not because I want the rush of fighting, killing, or anything like that; I want to join because I want to lead men into battle and save lives that way, whether it be the lives of the men under me, the lives of the native people, or the lives of people here at home. I figure, if someone joins as an officer in the infantry just to get a degree, they won't be a devoted and good as an officer in the infantry that joined to lead for a cause. I want to join so that I can replace the guy that just wants a degree. I think I can be good at that job because I try hard in everything I do, and if I do so in this case, more lives can be spared. Basically, I want to join to serve, lead, and save lives, and I am driven by something inside of me that is bigger than myself. That's really the only way to put it, even if it sounds like I'm trying to be self-righteous or so forth.