Timerous Adventurus the Great

After about an hour, everyone was in position at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. The sun was not yet up, but there was a faint glow on the horizon, a sign to Timerous that the time was at hand.
Timerous was in command of of mammoth force, far larger than he had ever invisioned leading. He was in control of 500,000 spider legionaires, all decked with armour and machine guns strapped to their tops. 50 artillery guns were also in position about 100 meters behind them, already loaded with shells with extra ammo stacked beside the guns. The Delta Force team was already in position in the basement of the castle, silently waiting for the first rounds of artillery to hit the castle for them to make their move on Lord Fiddlesticks. Timerous himself was covered with body armour, and in place of the Sword of Jesus he had two miniguns hanging at his sides. Belts of ammunition covered him from shoulder to shoulder, and small pockets held ninja stars. On his belt he carried his canteen and a nickel plated 9mm pistol.
It was a beautiful morning. Drops of dew glistened on the ground in the faint morning light. Thick patches of fog dotted the edges of the forest and fields like cotten balls that had been thrown down from above. Although it was relatively cool, sweat glistened on Timerous' face, collecting in drops to slide down his face and leaving a flat track for a few moments before more sweat developed. His cotton clothes were damp from the dew and somewhat heavy and chilling. He knew he would need the coolness for the day to come, though, so he left them hanging from him. He wasn't too nervous, but every now and then a shiver would go down his spine, as happens to any soldier before every battle. Nobody had ever attempted to try to take Hogwarts, and he knew that it would be a long and difficult battle. In spite of this, he kept his composure with a solid face of stone, a composure of rock so strong that not even an earthquake could split.
Looking over to his right and left, Timerous could see that the spiders were nervous. The hairs white transluecent hairs on their legs stood like needles on a porcupine, and they shuffled to and fro restlessly. "Be calm," Timerous told them, "For the righteous always prevail." Timerous always had good sayings ready for times like these to calm his troops, and this time the effect was no different. The spiders took deep breaths and regained their composure.
After a few minutes of silence, the sun began to peak over the horizon. The time had come. Timerous spoke.
"Now, spidermen, we walk into the shadow of the valley of death. Fear no evil, for we are about to experience it in the next twenty-four hours. Remember what you are fighting for; you are fighting for your children, you are fighting for your mother, father, sisters, and brothers, and above all you are fighting for freedom. Do not relent, do not waiver, for the moment you do, you will be dead. Never retreat. Fight to the last man. Spidermen, this is the End Game. As of now, you are free spiders, and to keep this freedom you must earn it in blood. Under my leadership, we will shed plenty of it and we will not fail. Under God, we are righteous, and we will not fail!"
The spiders clicked their mandibles together in applause. They were ready; he was ready. Timerous climbed onto his spider and approached the front of the line, facing towards the castle. "Artillery! Open fire!" he yelled. Upon this command, the treeline behind him boomed with thunder and flashed like lightening as the first rounds were fired towards Hogwarts. The battle had begun.